The carpet cleaners came THIS MORNING, finished at noon and originally said we couldn't walk on it for SIX HOURS. We told the guy we had been told he was supposed to have done it yesterday because we were going to start moving in today but he said he was only told about it today. So he said we could walk across it to go to the kitchen to unload stuff at two hours but give it a minimum of four hours before moving in furniture. And naturally, it's raining today so it's going to dry more slowly. The carpet is going to get so filthy so fast, DAMNIT!
Well, we just signed the lease (they made it for a year - oh FUCK!) and I walked on the damp carpet with stocking feet to open up the doors and windows and set all our fans around the place. We've left footprint depressions throughout the apt. already. We're going to wait another hour before doing the walk-through with the checklist and the digital camera.
Thursday morning's blessing was dark_skada, who came over and kept me company while I slowly cleaned off my computer station and helped me hang floorplan signs on the furniture to show where it will go in the new place. It REALLY helped having her here for emotional support. She kept me focused and moving slowly toward the final goal. THANK YOU, sweetie! She had fun telling one of her online friends about all the cool anime stuff I have, like my Saiyuki teapot, DBZ wristwatch I keep on the wall in the bathroom and other little anime tidbits. And I am SO HYPED J GOT THE JOB!!! THANK YOU for calling me first thing when you found out!
She was joined by the evening's blessings, mmc_ningyouai and fullmetalsqishy, who helped pack my bathroom and got some of the media center's components dusted and pulled for the move later.
It was actually a more relaxed evening, with a little more socializing then work happening and that was just fine since the major stuff is somewhat under control (except rat's stuff, naturally). I liked not working my dear friends so hard that night so they could get home early to rest before the big weekend. I commented to rat about how much I liked hearing their chatter and laughter in our home. That will need to happen more often in the future, whether in the new apt or the potential new house.
Cold weather has blown in and I can only hope and pray it doesn't freeze so our helpers will still be able to come from around the Metroplex to help us. They're predicting rain and snow today but the high will be 38 so hopefully nothing will freeze on the roads and everyone will feel safe to drive to our neck of the woods.
Bad news! They didn't clean the carpet Thursday! I don't know if it's because it rained most of the day or not. If they had gotten there first thing in the morning they could have avoided the rain. If the idiot bringing in the new stove had avoided the mud so the dolly's muddy wheel tracks weren't all over the front room they really could have just vacuumed well and been done with it. But no, the idiot left muddy tracks. So now they're supposed to do it Friday morning. I really wanted to have it dry and unchemical-smelling before moving in but that's not happening now. Good thing we have the AbsorbAll to kill odors.
Good news! They will let us in at 2pm instead of 4pm on Friday! This will give us a few extra hours to get the essential stuff into the new place before the bruiser movers arrive between 4-6pm. I want to get my bathroom moved (including the stuff that needs to be screwed to the wall) but I bet rat will want to work on the stuff he's left for the last minute to do. Maybe mmc_ningyouai and fullmetalsqishy can help me with that tonight when they arrive to help. One of the towel racks is ours and the medicine cabinet is mine and both have moved to the different properties we've been in here. In fact, the medicine cabinet started in 207 so it's coming home.
Cable man will come Saturday during the moving flurry. We'll need that hooked up asap so I can keep in-touch with the workers coming in and out and have TV/cable/WiiFi, etc.
You know, we had planned on sleeping in the new place tonight but I need the TV buzzing in the background to shut up the music in my head so there's a chance I'll have to sleep in the old place one more night if rat doesn't disconnect and move the TV tonight. Or maybe we can find some talk radio to have buzzing in the background so I can sleep.
I didn't get the chance to sleep in my old bed one more night before it goes bye-bye forever. I've had that bed since we moved to TX back in the mid-60s. However, since I haven't been able to sleep in it comfortably the last few weeks I guess this is a good thing - I won't miss it like I thought I would. I sleep on the floor on sofa cushions now.
So I stepped into the bedroom and crawled into my bed one more time, and it welcomed me happily and it felt SO GOOD again after betraying me the last few weeks. Naturally, it's my BODY that was the problem, not the bed. However, there is NO WAY that bed would survive another move. The foam is in little bits that fall out on the carpet and the rest is disinigrating quickly behind it. The box spring dumps broken spring coil sections on the floor periodically. The bed is DEAD, poor thing.
Sleep status: felt it about 10pm and tried to sleep but missed the window. Missed the usual 11pm window, too, but caught another around 1am. I don't know WHEN I finally fell asleep but I woke up about 3:30am. So I suspect I've had less sleep this time - maybe an hour and a half. I AM yawning more, which means I'm getting purged of the Pred and will eventually get back on a better sleep cycle.
We're still debating on what kind of bed but for now I too many other things on my mind. The fact I can sleep on the sofa cushions is a bit of a blessing since I DON'T need my old bed to sleep now. I probably will still not get a long cycle of sleep for a while on the cushions, but I might.
I am still very worried about the movers getting everything heavy moved during their time slot and having a path to do it. We have lots of stuff piled around here. And today we have lots of chores we need to do, like going to the bank, a Home Depot run, a grocery run for bottled water, etc.
I got a tiny bit of sleep Tuesday night (maybe 20 minutes?) and actually had a dream. I think I did do a few catnaps here and there throughout the night, too. I have a nest in the middle of the floor with my pillows and two quilts, including my DBZ quilt. Sleeping with the monkeys...
I fumbled and took too much Pred at lunch so I had to add a day to my taper schedule. STUPID ONNA!
A few hours after telling doctor_terry I thought I was doing okay so she didn't have to drive all the way over here, I regretted it, feeling overwhelmed again. Especially since I was SO FUCKING TIRED I had to lie down a lot after doing just a little work. I was so tragic throughout the day - sitting there and just suddenly breaking into tears for a minute because I didn't get much done at all. I needed to do so much more and my body was betraying me since it's not hyped on its Pred high. I guess I didn't realize how much I needed someone with me each day to help keep me motivated and working toward the final goal - more like someone to lean on and keep me focused.
I made another BAD JUDGEMENT, which is typical for me lately.
Maintenance came in and fixed the heater, though the original fix he tried didn't work and he had to try something else. Eventually everything worked - yay! We have heat that will turn off again! Yes, I gave him a hug as thanks. I'm not burning bridges, especially if we can't get a house and have to continue living here for another year. Though the way things are going I wouldn't be surprised if they tried to evict us (again) for having all the boxes piled in that one room. We'll just have an 'unpack party' and invite the doll people over to help us put stuff up on the shelves. All the boxes are labeled so it won't be a problem getting things where they need to go quickly. I just don't want to unpack here - I want to unpack in a new house all our own and be able to invite people over for meetups and have ROOM to spread out and areas with absolutely nothing in them. Naturally, I DON'T want the bills and the maintenance and all the things that will eventually break, like the central heat/air (and who do I call for those things now that we don't have an apt maintenance crew?) or the plumbing or EVERYTHING.
mmc_ningyouai's energy last night helped revitalize me and we got Nana's Depression glass wrapped and ready for the move. And she just sat with me for a few minutes as I once again had to put my back down and let me hold her hand while I cried and felt useless, stupid and weak. Sweetie, you don't know HOW much that helped me - THANK YOU for your support, help and love. *starts crying again*
It's down to the rest of the media room (rat's domain), a lot of little bits of things, plus the bathrooms and pre-organizing everything so the bruisers coming in Friday evening have a clear path to get things out of here. After the bruisers leave Friday evening we will start moving the essential stuff over until we get too tired to do any more.
Talked to some of the neighbors last night. Candace and John are the retired couple who live under Charlie. They've been here for eight years. Eliot showed up a little later and we all stood around and chatted for quite a while. We all discussed how the place has gone downhill over the past few years and I told them stories about how it was when we moved in here 23 years ago. Gone are those wonderful days. I suggested we all needed to band together to take care of each other since management won't and we all agreed.
Then it got too cold for the couple and they went in. Eliot and I chatted for a bit longer. I found out he has had a job for six months! We didn't know that! He didn't realize we were moving and he feels sincerely bad this is happening and offered up his help in the move. I told him that they were completely innocent of the current situation and to not feel bad about it - it's the building construction that is at fault. Our downstairs neighbors are NICE people who smoke outside - the smoke should NOT be coming into building, into the spaces between the walls and dump into our apartment. We both thought about it and think the smoke is being sucked in from the vents outside and lurking in the walls. His mom has been complaining about the cold air coming in those vents and wants them covered up but management won't do it, though it's probably a building code thing. But it makes sense that if the cold air is coming in their place through those vents, so is the smoke. Eliot told me about their high heating bill and I wondered about his mom, Debbie's health since she is cold-natured to the extreme. The poor woman is always bundled up to the nines.
I got three cycles of one-hour sleep last night. It's getting better.
I watched them put in a new oven yesterday. It's not a nice Kenmore like we currently have but a cheap-style GE. And it doesn't have a straight ledge along the back of the oven so we're losing our built-in shelf the Kenmore has. At least it's new. Will have to figure out a way to get a shelf over that part. I know places like Lillian Vernon sell things like that because I've seen them in their catalog, so I'll start looking later. Or we'll get some wood and build something quickly.
The weather is starting to act up a little... I'm concerned it will stop people from coming to help.
Tuesday's blessings were kyrenea, mmc_ningyouai and fullmetalsqishy.
kyrenea brought me a Wendy's salad and started on Nana's marbletop piece and all the Depression glass in the drawers. Then she hauled away all my 25mm figures (her hubby is in metal heaven now and they know more people who will use them), more arts and crafts stuff, my expensive feather mask (she knows someone who'll want it for mask-making demos), my feather collection (knows people who can use them) and my doll high chair.
I don't know if that all-wooden high chair belonged to my mother or not, but I know my Papa painted it white and my Nana made the cushion for it and I used it as a kid. It has been with me since we brought it from my Nana's house when we cleaned out her estate. I cycled stuffed animals in it. I know I won't tell my mother I gave it to to give to her special needs daughter, Sammy. It's an important piece in my life and I'm glad they can use it now and pass on the memories.
mmc_ningyouai and fullmetalsqishy came by after dinner and I thank sqish for kick-starting rat to clean out the media hutch. I feel SO much better now - we had just snipped about him starting on in on Friday! Another full bookcase got completely packed, the rest of the photography shelves got packed and all the full boxes were moved into the staging room so we'll have more room to move around in the living room.
Signs that things are falling into place for the great escape:
~ a lot of the major stuff has been packed and stacked for the move in both the storage room and our bedroom. There's still a LOT to do and I'm still stressing about it, but there's a chance, with a LOT of help from our WONDERFUL friends, we just may be able to pull this off during one weekend.
~ sending so much stuff to Goodwill, resale shop, trash and kyrenea's amazing re-home service has drastically reduced the amount of packed boxes we have piled in the corners. It's strange seeing it that way. I think we have more hand-carry things to go over than large boxes. The volunteer movers will have less to do on Saturday. Honestly, I'm feeling a little bit shocked about it at the moment. There really isn't a lot of boxes, compared to what was moved INTO this apt way back when. Of course, rat's tech stuff and my computer stuff hasn't been packed and it looks like we may need a few more boxes. We had a LOT of boxes we had kept from the previous move. Most of them have been used. Whoa.
~ the $300 I thought I had thrown away during the eviction purge reappeared, right where I have looked repeatedly for it. I'm using it to give gas money to the people who are coming from across the DFW area (which is large) to help us.
~ going through a bunch of stuff on a table last night, I opened a letter from my biological father's brother and out fell a $100 bill. Wow... Now we can easily purchase pizza and bottled water for everyone who will be helping us Saturday and Sunday with money to spare for anything we need like cleaning supplies or whatever.
~ doctor_terry called this morning to see if I needed help and I was able to tell her no. Wow... Sure, there are things that really should get done but she doesn't need to drive all the way over here to do just a few hours of things I should be able to get done. I may regret this decision later...
Plus, mmc_ningyouai and fullmetalsqishy (I think - or is he working tonight?) are coming over again tonight so they can pack those areas.
~ I actually got a little sleep last night - maybe 20 minutes at one time and DREAMED. I think I caught a few catnaps throughout the night, too. Having the TV quietly mumbling in the background truly helps cut the music. AND I've stopped playing the radio during the day so nothing gets stuck for the evening. The Weather Channel is my background music.
However, I've fucked up my taper this morning by taking too much at lunch - I forgot to mark my morning dose as done so I accidentally took 5 instead of 2.5. I'm so stupid and sleep-deprived. So I'll have another day I have to do a taper now. Fuck...
~~~~~~~~ Been hearing a lot of noise next door this morning so I popped over and looked inside. Three woman in the kitchen scrubbing everything clean, including detailing the ceiling fan, cabinets and counters. Wow. I don't think we'll be THAT thorough, especially since that apt was empty for so long. Then again, ours is MUCH more attractive, with both curtains AND blinds, nice white walls and light-coloured cabinets/countertops. And a storm door and screens on all windows and a back screen door that fits. We are definitely moving into the pit hole from a castle.
Now going on the THIRD day of NO SLEEP. Seriously - no nap, no nothing.
I'm going to adjust my Pred tapering yet again so I'm not taking any in the late evening, hoping for the chance to sleep. As soon as I thought I was getting the feeling last night I rolled over and waited to go to sleep, but nada. Now I know I HAVE to get the actual nod-off once before rolling over.
Part of the problem is my head starts running eight to sixteen bars of the same song over and over and over again when I try to go to sleep and I can't stop the music from playing. I am unable to think of anything else to clear my mind because then I find myself thinking about all the crap still needing to get done for the move. So my strategy now is to curl up in front of the TV with the sound very low and that sound helps disrupt the music in my head. The music tries to start up and the voices break it up.
I took a Nytquil last night in hopes the sleep aid would help but it only made me feel really bad and dried me up so badly I was coughing due to the dryness in my throat.
Monday I tossed almost ALL my flyers, programs, librettos, scripts, artwork and papers that show I did anything in theatre today. Just up and dumped it all into the trash without even really looking at it. Another large chunk of my life gone forever.
I wish I could have scrapbooked the stuff but there IS no time to cull and a move to get done pronto so it is all gone, for good, with a LOT of regrets, but it had to be done.
And in some ways, it was a lifting of a burden, removing weight keeping me down, giving me more freedom to strike out to new directions.
Then I regretted it, so rat brought the bags back in tonight and I went through them pretty quickly and filled half a small box with memories. Some of things I expected to find in there weren't there, which was odd for me. Oh well.
I'll be happy when this move is over but it's just a transition. As soon as we turn in the keys we turn around and contact the realtor and start looking for a house in earnest.
I find I'm looking forward to having my own home and I have unburdened myself from a lot of objects to move more easily toward that goal.
Monday I was SERIOUSLY BLESSED with three people helping me: kyrenea, doctor_terry and kyrenea's friend, who I call the rare diamond since he lifted and moved the heavy boxes to the staging area and helped sort things. Four and three-quarters bookcases got packed and stacked in the corners. The hall closet/shelving got packed and sorted and staged for the walkover. That is, stuff that needs to be hand-carried like towels and sheets were sorted and stacked so they are carried over to the same space in the other apartment.
Note: the apartments are mirror images so it has the same long hall shelving closet as the current one.
A chair went to Goodwill. Lots more arts and crafts stuff was sent away with kyrenea, who will come by to get even more Tuesday. She tells me about how happy the people are she gives my stuff to, like the craft supplies to the day care who had to cut their luxury budget just to survive the economy. That makes me feel good - that my bad hoarding habit is now benefiting people. It's not technically 'pay it forward' but I feel relieved my things will be used.
So coming up is stress week before the move. I'm taking off the week to pack. I'm frantic but things have been coming together in small ways where I never imagined it would do. And I think surrendering this mess to God really made the difference. I am a little calmer now. I still go into panic modes and feel overwhelmed but things are definitely better in my spirit.
I know some of you may find my religious talk odd coming from me (old geezer yaoi fan woman with a sailor's vocabulary) but I really am a Christian, though I don't practice organized religion like going to church. My religion is a personal thing. I respect other people's beliefs because I know other gods and goddesses do exist. I felt Pele in Hawaii as we walked around the lava flows - it was a raw wild feeling. I felt 'something' at American's Stonehenge and greeted it respectfully. Sometimes in a wood I will feel the spirit of that area. I will happily and humbly take a blessing from any deity though I pray to a different God. Us humans need all the help we can get sometimes.
Anyway, back to the move. Because I was able to do such a drastic purge of the other closets, it looks like we won't feel the loss of the walk-in closet so much now. It still hurts BADLY but we're better than we were.
What has really boggled my mind is that I kept most of this shit for SO LONG. That jacket is too small and you will NEVER be that small again unless you starve yourself for months. DUMP IT, STUPID. Yeah, some things had sentimental value but I decided to risk losing the memory and get rid of lots of things. And yeah, lots of things I had forgotten until seeing that item again this weekend so I know I WILL lose a lot with this move. I don't have time to write everything down, either, or even take photos of things. I haven't done it yet, but I am throwing out four full portfolios of paper artwork. I'll have to make sure a few things don't get pitched (like original work by other artists) but my stuff is going to be toast.
Bits that have been scattered around or lost are coming back together and packed away together. Plans are slowly solidifying. I have friends stronger than I ever expected coming in to help us.
I know those of you far away are sending positive thoughts, strength, kharma and love to us right now and I thank you and bless you for it. *laughs* I ask God to pass on the message to your personal deity.
And now for something completely different - the smoke/flea spray poisoning and various illnesses due to it (especially the lung/breathing pain and coughing), bodily stress due to poisoning and moving, different auto-immune flares, doing something to my back so I've pinched/damaged the nerve from the waist down so I'm half numb and the pain shoots up and down my legs from crotch to feet and evil drugs have royally screwed with my typical sleeping pattern. I know the Pred is the main reason why I haven't slept at all but even before it I was only getting no more than two hours sleep max. The Pred kept me from even sleeping at ALL for two weeks.
My current pattern is to get no more than two hours every other night. About 11pm every night, if I'm lying down for a back break, I get this weird funky irritating sensation and I want to go to sleep. If I ignore it I won't sleep that night. I didn't realize that until I put it off a few hours then tried to sleep later. Recently I have been cheering because I have a yawn. Yep, I haven't even been yawning. I have been one giant frazzled wired crazy woman. The Pred withdrawal doesn't help matters - it makes me a little dizzy so my eyes can't track and a sensation crawls under my skin around my temples and across my face, concentrating in the eye area.
So last night I got the sensation, told rat and curled up right then and there on my floor cushions with my quilts and went to sleep. I woke up at one point to pee and hoped I'd make it back to sleep and I did, which was wonderful. I actually got almost four hours sleep last night, the first time in a VERY long time to get that long a block of sleep. I'm even feeling tired this morning, which would be great except I have TOO much prep to do before folks start arriving tomorrow to help pack.
Eating has been another adventure. I don't feel like eating anything substantial until evening. Soup is my standard for breakfast/lunch at work. Thankfully Subway does brocholi/cheese or potato/bacon for me. Their other soups don't taste that good. Anyway, for dinner last night Crockett brought home Chipotle for the first time in ages (since me eating anything for the past few months has been almost non-existent) and it was so good. I ate my usual amount of food for a change. It was delightful. I have leftovers and will be enjoying it the next few days. Happy tummy.
I have become so used to the cigarette smoke here that Crockett is the one picking up on it. I know it's killing my appetite and my sense of smell so I can't taste anything.
Today a librarian friend is coming by to pick up another buttload of stuff for her to use at her library for reading club and art programs and to distribute the rest to her city's youth center, heritage center and senior center. I'm giving her EVERYTHING - all my art supplies, craft supplies, arts and crafts books, paint brushes, expensive cross-stitch patterns, more fabrics and patterns, unfinished sewing projects with all supplies/patterns, even manga and anime collectables.
And if it fits, we're giving her husband rat's Victorian caroling costume, complete with expensive top hat. He wants something to Steampunk and rat's costume is very nice - morning coat with striped pants, rich-toned multicoloured paisley with gold accent patterned half-vest and burgundy cravat.
We've hired movers for Friday evening (after we sign the last AFTER 4pm on Friday) and they will do the large furniture.
For Saturday and Sunday we have been truly blessed because the doll community has rallied together and will help us move ALL the boxes, take down the wall shelving and clean/patch everything.
I'm taking off next week to pack. People are coming over during all hours to help me pack boxes.
I never expected it. It's always been rat and myself doing everything alone.
Thank you, God, for all these wonderful people.
And after we get moved in we immediately turn around and start frantically looking for a house to try to meet the incentive deadline in March.
A large THANK YOU to kyrenea, doctor_terry, mmc_ningyouai, richila, and Axeonos for taking ALL the sacks of fabric and seven boxes of sewing patterns away to be reused elsewhere.
And for listening. And holding me while I cried. And organizing with me to help me pack at home next week.
The apartment will be ready at the end of the month and they expect us to move in ONE WEEKEND! "That's how it's done!" Yeah, and the apartment next door has been EMPTY for over SIX MONTHS and you can't give us a break, bitch?
That means everything will thrown in boxes and slung into the new place, just like last time and I won't be able to find anything for years.
We have to find workers now. Crockett is looking into hiring some strong guys since the strong guy friends who could help us work on weekends.
Smoke is still leaking in. Talked to the neighbor about spraying the stuff I gave her over her head after smoking to start cleaning the air. Yes, we're friendly. There's no reason why the smoke is coming in since they're not smoking inside. rat thinks part of the problem is change in pressure when the doors and windows are opened so stuff gets pushed up into our area. Neighbor says the furniture in the house was treated and hasn't been smoked on. Ya know, if you smoke, it gets in your clothes and hair and then it gets on everything else...
I didn't get jack done today because I am so weak due to the Prednisone. I'm tingling-numb from my crotch (yes, 'that' feels like pins and needles and half-numb) to my toes. I didn't realize 'that' was numb until I gave rat a belated b-day present (I was wanting it too) and found I couldn't completely feel everything.
My wrists and fingers are affected a little. My legs and feet are the worse - lots of that funky hot-flash stuff flickering over the legs and the tops of my thighs feel like I've been walking up-hill for hours. I have an occasional twitch in various places on my face and my lips are tingling. Research says it's all because of the Pred. I don't know if the constant need to pee every hour or so is related.
I forgot to drink today so drinking at night probably isn't helping. *sigh* How more stupid can I get?
I had hoped to nap today but it didn't happen. I sometimes fall asleep in front of the Food Channel. rat was glad I rested, though. I am frustrated I didn't get much done. We got a few things done tonight, though. I found three boxes in one closet that I have NO idea how they got there and why. One had too-small dress pants (no, I'm still not THAT skinny), one was a box of papers and such that should have been thrown out years ago (how did THAT happen?) and a small box of books, most of which were Asimov's from long ago so rat walked them over to the recycle center. Half-Price won't take them.
We got a loan approval for $150.000 and there's no fucking way in hell we could afford the $1200 a month house payments (not including the utilities, etc.) for that price house. So the realtor is going to look for $120.000 range and send us some leads. We'd be moving into something just a little larger and I can guarantee you that third bedroom will become a walk-in closet for us because little houses have crappy closets. We'll probably lose a full bath (still have a half-bath) and I bet cabinet space will be at a premium since older homes don't have good kitchens.
You know, I really don't need this house-hunting right now, since we're gearing up for the move next door when they finally finish working on it (which seems to be taking forever). I caught one of the guys doing a little bit of de-trash today so I stopped over and thanked him for not smoking in the place. I also asked him if it would be repainted and either new carpets/cleaned carpets. He said that's what usually happens. And we'll get new mini-blinds.
I'm so fucking overwhelmed but rat thinks once we can move some stuff out of here and over there it will start getting better to get organized. We will definitely need to get some kind of rolling clothing racks to hold clothing we can no longer put in the closets. The second bedroom will turn into storage, something I really don't want to happen but what can I do?
It helps a little to look at different furniture ideas at the Ikea website so try help organize us more.
No sleep again last night. I can't get comfortable because the numbness kicks in and the Pred keeps me wired.
Listen, folks, next time I think about taking Pred, YELL AT ME! Remind me what has happened this time and hit me over the head virturally to remind me what a stupid git I was during this time.
I bet my weight is no longer in the 190's anymore.
And to top things off, tomorrow is the first day of classes and parking will be a real bitch and a half. I'll have to walk a long time on half-numb feet and legs to get even close to the building where I work.
Now it's time for me to start thinking about bed, where I will toss and turn all night because I sure as hell won't be getting any sleep. Whee ha.
Friday night we had to shut both doors since they were smoking at the same time on the front and back porch. No breeze so it immediately travels up and into our apt. We have fans running to get the fresh air in
The smoke was in the place yesterday and they were smoking outside without a breeze to take it away. To save my lungs (which were burning again) we went out looking for beds. Went to three places. The one we found that will work for me and my fickle body is $1000 more than we anticipated. Why are beds so 'thick' now? We're still considering others and my body is so fucked up right now I can't be comfortable now matter what I lie on, except our deteriorating foam mattress that rat refuses to move to the new apt. I really don't want to move it, either. I think we're going to take the couch cushions and use those for a bed if we can't make a real bed decision. I know I will want to NOT sleep in the old place as much as possible after we get the okay to start moving.
Took all the clothing bags to the resale shop where all proceeds go to help battered women and their families yesterday.
Had lingering smoke last night, even in our media room (which is rare) so we opened the back door and turned on a fan. It still lingered so we escaped to our bedroom. Something chemical was in the room so we opened the bedroom window, something we've NEVER done before. The cold fresh air helped but still had my back-in-the-throat-on-the-left-side tickle which made me gag and finally hack up a few times. One result was reddish-brown but the next was not. Freaked me out. I think I need to keep the throat lubed.
I don't think I slept last night. It's hard to tell when no dreaming happens. What are dreams? What is the comfort of your loved one's arms and sweet loving? The last time (so long ago), we tasted cig smoke in our mouths. I miss rat so much - I'm so distant because I have to focus so hard to keep going. It's his birthday today - looks like both our birthdays sucked this year. I HATE the new year! Something always hits, and this year has been a real doozy. I can only hope things will be better by the end of the year.
This morning the smoke was in the kitchen and I could taste it in my mouth. I couldn't prepare a little breakfast so I could take my Pred until we got the front rooms aired out. The neighbors don't seem to be home because we haven't smelled it outside, so the doors are open again. It's cold fresh air and delightful after being in a stuffy smoky home.
Our next-door neighbor C (probably in his late 70s-early 80s) told us his downstairs neighbors were talking to him and complaining about the awful cigarette smoke they had to walk through to get to their door. I told C he should tell his neighbors to talk to our downstairs neighbors about it. If they would just smoke 20 ft away from the building like the rules for public spaces here I think we'd be doing better in our own home. Instead, it's being sucked into our place through the doors and inside the walls. We can't figure out how it's getting into the walls so it can pour into the open cracks.
My prayers have become sad and weak. I can only ask for the strength to get the job done and keep going. The muscles on the tops of my thighs are protesting all the time. I have to watch my lower back and put it down if I start feeling a twinge.
I'm afraid I will be too weak when the actual move has to happen and I need all the steam I had a few weeks ago again. Currently I'm just slogging through the smoke, fumes and dust fogs and trying to hold on. My strength is leaving as I taper the Pred. I know I can't go back up because my body will reject it.
After I do a little work I lie down for at least 10 minutes to refresh. While on the Pred high I was going for hours and hours without stopping.
I am embarrassed about all the shit and dust and clutter I have to sort through and get rid of. I am fucking overwhelmed. It will be humiliating to ask people come in to help move this all out but I'm going to have to swallow my pride and let people in to help if we have ANY chance to get moved relatively quickly. I still think it's going to take a month to move due to scheduling with the muscle guys who have volunteered to help rat move the heavy furniture. Two are usually not available on weekends.
And how do I repay these people for helping us? I'm not strong so I won't be able to do the same for them if they needed the help. I don't want to come off being selfish by using them, either.
I bet you all are tired of hearing me whining about this but writing this down is helping me focus. I'm losing my focus most of the time because I have so much to do and I'm running on zero sleep.
Still working on my antique dresser - the dust is absolutely revolting. I hate being just disabled enough I can't clean after myself on a regular basis. I will HAVE to do better, no matter what, when we are in the new place. I can't live like this anymore.
I am revolted with myself and feel like giving up, curling up and letting the Pred kill me. But I'll pull out in a little while, after I try to choke down some lunch so I can take meds, and get back to it.
The Prednisone is fucking me up now. I started tapering but did too much of a leap from one day to the next (50 to 30mg) and am dealing with bad withdrawal now. VERY weak muscles and shaky. Dizziness. My legs want to give out on me. I easily get the chills and have to hover next to a space heater to warm the top of my thighs, which is the place it affects the most. Last night was really bad and I didn't sleep a wink.
I took that much over a week to keep me going, but now I've seriously fucked myself up. I took 40mg today and will do the next two days. Then I will take off 5mg every two/three days until I can get off this terrible stuff. It works great for a time then I pay a price.
I NEED that energy I had with it but now it's failing my body and I have to stop and be weak. That's shit but I was stupid to not do a 6, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1 group, but I was in such pain in my lungs I wanted to nuke it. So I nuked myself into withdrawal.
My lungs finally do feel a little better. It helps to cough to the point of gagging and I feel better for a while. Like I'm trying to get something out of my lungs. I keep expecting to see black.
When my back starts really acting up I lie down on my stomach, per therapy. Tonight I drifted into a sleep in that position, which probably means I won't get any sleep in bed tonight.
The other apt is still not available so we're fighting smoke. We have to shut ourselves up when they're both home because one smokes in the front and one in the back and it comes in both doors. The fresh damp air has been so good for my lungs.
It's embarrassing to find the piles of dust in our place. I just didn't realize it had piled up. We have to make an active choice to clean regularly, even when I'm exhausted or sick.
Delivering a bunch of stuff to a resale center for battered women tomorrow. Sending almost all my professional jewelry (bracelets, earrings, necklaces) with the clothes.
rat accidentally left my Embrel out on the counter while he was digging around in the fridge, so I've lost a month's worth of drugs and I don't have anymore to inject on Saturday...
Bagged up at least eight bags of clothing for the battered women's shelter. I have to pretty much empty one closet in the current apt so we have room to put our clothes when we move. A great walk-in closet was lost when the washer/dryer connection was put in it, which was a stupid choice. Ours is in the kitchen/breakfast area. There isn't even a door on the closet anymore. I don't know where the laundry baskets will go, either.
Smoke is still coming through and into my professional clothes closet. I'll either have to dump all those expensive clothes or get them ALL dry-cleaned.
We will have to purchase a new bed and put it in the new place as soon as we can get in so I can sleep there and start recovering. We'll have to take time out of the de-trash this weekend
I have to stop this heavy Prednisone popping soon - I can only sleep two hours every night. But if I start backing off before
Crockett tells me that if we have to pay rent on both apartments to get moved in, we'll do that. The money thing is scary, especially since we've started the process to purchase a house.
Right now I am SO sick again I can't eat. I lost some of the salad I forced down earlier, but I felt better afterward. All I choked down earlier yesterday was a hotdog (since Subway had no soup I could stomach) and a Diet Dr. Pepper. I can't taste anything well. It DOES seem if I let myself clear everything out and throw up I do feel better for a little while. I don't know if my body is trying to purge the poison or pissed off about the heavy medication.
Today is that extra-long Thursday with the Convocation and I have to give a presentation. I'm going in late so I'm bagging stuff up.
I didn't realize just how bad the dust was until I went into one closet and found it in layers on the floor. I haven't been taking stuff out of that section of the closet for years since it's the Xmas trees so it built up. It smells BAD when I try to vacuum it - hot and nasty. We may have to get a HEPA vacuum for this.
At least we have a place to live, even if it's crap, without curtains, with ugly paint and no storm door.
We tore out the rotting wood under the sink (could easily stick our hands through it to break) and tore it all out. We cut the rest with a saw. Sealed all along the baseboard, including under the drawer section, after taking photos and videos of all the holes and especially the one with cobweb blowing in the breeze. That's part of the open cavity common space where I know the smoke is being sucked in from their place and spit out in our place.
rat could not smell the strong reeking chemical smell coming from the boards. It was seriously NASTY! Yes, I was wearing a mask and even breathed through my mouth, which helped. It's the same smell I find in my hair all the time now. I have to wash my hair every single day, if not more. It looks like crap.
We felt so accomplished! We got the back wall sealed up fine. It was pretty and we were happy...
But no! It was not to be! We STILL have smoke under the kitchen sink! And now since we sealed up its main entry spot into our place it's now coming in under my bathroom sink and somewhere through the ceiling.
So we've taped the cabinet doors closed to seal them.
Need to move out of this sick apartment NOW. Probably next door in the crappy apartment but my HEALTH is more important than being picky about appliances. There's a chance we could move to a first-floor apt (haven't seen it yet) if they can add a washer/dryer connection for a price.
I know they won't be happy seeing the 'damage' we did under the sink, if we show them. We may put in a thin board to cover it up.
The shit maintenance man SMOKED next door while working so when we walked in tonight I was bowled over with the smell. Luckily, one of my co-workers brought in some toxic-free stuff called AbsorbAll (http://absorball.com/) to use and it KILLED the smell in the other apartment.
I've used it throughout our place tonight and it's working. Even if it's non-toxic, it's hurting my poor lungs, which are super-sensitive. I can smell the ozone off the CPUs in my office, and it irritates my breathing. We know we still need to go in and do some bleach for some dark wood that may be black mold-infested.
Note: we have started the process to get a qualified pre-approval for a home loan. rat sent it in tonight.
The rest of Saturday was a really low point. We went to have lunch with a group of friends and WE SMELLED THE CHEMICALS IN THE CAR. I pulled my turtleneck up to stop smelling it AND THE SMELL WAS IN MY CLOTHES.
We get to the restaurant and I am so sick again I cannot eat, which is sad because it was one of those giant Japanese all-you-can-eat buffet places. I was upset and thankfully got symps and offers to help us move, including trucks and trailers, which made me even more grateful since most of the time I feel like it's only rat and myself alone in this world, doing it on our own.
So we left early to take advantage of the daylight and started looking at some house leads. Which only got me more depressed since the ones we had found in our rental price range were actually duplexes, which won't work. The people with the shared wall may be smokers. So we started driving around our neighborhood where the homes are older, looking for rental or sales signs. We found one right down the road that was lease-to-own so we called to see about it. The guy wanted $1300 a month for three months and by then we'd need to have the loan ready to go.
We found two houses with large mold sign warnings on them. We found a nice little house that was well-kept and with people inside so we couldn't look inside, but we called the number to find out the info. While I'm still listening to the info my phone beeps and it's the realtor wanting to see us. We made an appt for Sunday for a general meeting.
We got the smell out of our car by changing the vent from recirculate to getting outside air and things were much better. Sure, it let the cold air in, but it was also fresh. Besides, we've been living with cold air circulating in/through our apartment!
During all this we had been analysing what kicked the chemical poisoning in high gear. We had a few theories. First, I am now disgustingly sensitive to ALL scents since the flea bomb on Monday. I have SERIOUS lung burn and luckily I have backup Pred from my rheumologist so I'm taking much more than my GP prescribed. Early Thursday evening when we taped plastic up to keep the draft from coming in through one window (and to keep the outside smoke from creeping in) we used masking tape, which shouldn't have been a problem but it did have a smell. Masking tape hasn't bothered me in the past but I've had TWO lung-frying incidents in less than a month. Also, we didn't air out the plastic to cover the window so since my lungs are already super-sensitive, this could have also been an additional factor. Naturally, rat can't smell most of this and doesn't think the plastic was a factor so he has to trust my ultra-sensitive nose. Currently the plastic is on the back porch airing out and we'll try again later.
Though rat thinks otherwise, I think the flea spray chemicals reacted with the duct tape I used to line the sink cabinet during the early part of this trial and this helped cause the latest chemical smell attack. I also put new duct tape around the breaker box yesterday, which he agreed might had added to the problem.
Basically, we were now poisoning ourselves with everything we were doing to STOP the smoke from coming into the kitchen and other rooms.
I finally needed to eat something to take drugs (even though the idea of food made me feel ill) so we went to Rice Boxx so I could get wonton soup and he could get sweet and sour chicken. It was SO hard choking down that bowl of soup!
Painter's masking tape doesn't have that vile smell - we used it on some of the light switches after the electricians left. We stopped by Home Depot (GOD! The smell combos KILLED me in there! I had a large scarf completely wrapped around my head!)
So we decided rat would take me to my folks' place to give my lungs a rest while he took down the plastic and removed all the duct tape from under the cabinet. He also discovered the black mess on the rotting wood was old MOLD so he took bleach to it and scrubbed it down and blew a fan on it to get it to dry.
When I got to my folks' place I took off all my clothes, including my big alpaca wool coat, and air-tumbled them to get the smell out. I stayed there a few hours and cried/prayed a lot. I helped sort some socks, helped my mother make tuna (she's an utter FAIL in the kitchen, even more so now) and though she didn't have any season salt, I was still able to get some decent-tasting tuna for them. G wanted more since it actually tasted good for a change (he says my mother's cooking has gotten even worse now.) She took forever to cut up celery for it, though. I should have stood behind her and monitored her, then taken the knife away from her and showed her what the Food Network chefs all do to cut quickly. Yes, I ate a little tuna with a little lettice on one piece of bread.
Anyway, we made tentative plans for me to stay there a few days so my lungs could heal but first we would need to see what the atmosphere would be when I got home. I changed back into my regular clothes and discovered that one of my new fingerless gloves was now missing. My new FAVORITE fingerless gloves. Figured - what ELSE could go wrong in my life, right?
The scary thing was - I STILL SMELLED THE CHEMICAL but now there were hints in their house. WTF? So I thought about it and decided the only thing left was my HAIR. I got some baby power and dusted the front of my hair and it HELPED, though now my lungs weren't happy with the baby powder scent.
When we got home (and trust me, I was so scared to go into my own home!), the fans were blowing air out the window and while rat was worried about me doing it in a cold house (FYI-the apt pool is mostly frozen on top - that's how cold it's been in TX) I changed shirts to wash my hair. As I leaned over into the bathtub to wet my hair, I smelled the neckline of the shirt I had just put on and IT SMELLED LIKE THE CHEMICAL.
Yep, looks like my poisoned hair is what woke me up at 4am, made the collar of my turtleneck stink and filled the car with the smell and has been a miasma surrounding me.
I did a single quick wash with conditioner, started drying my hair and smelled the smell on the towel. So I got a new towel and did another more complete wash and that worked.
What happened with my hair? I can only conjecture that I had the flea stink in my hair and then different tape chemicals got in there too and kicked it up too many fucking notches. That's why I think the flea spray and two tape chemicals reacted together and caused the horrible chemical stink to occur.
The sink cabinet seemed cleaned out with the bleach and the taping, but since it was open and being blown out by one of the fans whatever COULd be in there was being
My laptop still smelled bad too, so rat got some canned air and blew it through it. Then we decided to blow out the cooling fan. BAD idea in the house! BIG poof of dust out one and all over me, flaring my lungs. He took the fan outside and blew out the other side, which was also full of dust. I think the dust we've been stirring up while dusting and getting rid of belongings plus all the chemicals was causing that bad smell. Things smell much better with the laptop tonight, though I still smell chemical residue in the fan.
I actually got some real sleep Saturday night. To make sure there was no residue, I changed the pillowcase. I closed the Renuzit, too. We both stayed in bed and slept a long time. It was bliss. I haven't slept that well for a long time. I did take a Nightquil to help sleep and for pain but just one.
Sunday it seemed everything was fine and smelled fresh and good again. Lots of praising God on my end, since I asked for guidance and help solving this and we got it. We went to the realtor meeting and will start doing some stuff to start looking for a home, did some errands, went to Spaghetti Warehouse for my free birthday dinner (yeah, my birthday on Friday was spent being in pain, poisoned and crying - happy joy) and we came home...
... to find that same old cigarette smoke slowly leaking into the cabinet under the sink.
ARGHHHH!
Crockett found that the existing outlet for the disposal still had a whisper of cold air coming through, which may be part of the problem. He also retaped the hole to the dishwasher, which seems to have stopped the smell from getting into that area. All I smell now is a little dusty musty odor.
A few hours later, there it was again - smoke under the cabinet. We moved in with the black rotting wood under the sink. It's one panel of wood and it looks like one layer of laminant is peeling and bowing up. I think the damage is much deeper, that it has rotted to the floor, which opens it to the back wall area with the big gap where the smell could be coming through like behind the dishwasher.
Now we have to figure out how we are going to engineer a way to seal off the cabinet inside again. We got some wide rolls of the painter's masking tape and I hope that will do the trick. It seemed to work when I lined the cabinet with the duct tape, though we still got some cigarette smell due to the outlet breeze we just discovered Sunday evening. That is, until the bug spray reacted with the duct tape. I can only hope THIS tape with its more benign sticky smell will work for now. I think eventually we will line the floor with plastic. Last night I taped around the cabinet doors and this morning there was no smell. The idea we would lose that large storage cabinet makes me angry. Storage is a problem as it is in this apartment's kitchen.
The temps will be in pleasant again in the evening so even I can do the work with a mask on and the doors open.
What I WANT to do is tear out that rotting wood, seal under the cabinet and put new wood in. Would the apt do this for us? Are you joking? They think the holes are all sealed and everything is fine. rat doesn't want to do it. I want to take a saw to it and get rid of the rotting wood, seal up the back panel and put new wood in. I don't know if we could find a handyman to do it cheap for us, or maybe someone we or my folks know might have the skills to do it.
Honestly, I think this smoke smell will remain in this wall for YEARS since there's nothing to blow it out.
So that's the latest ramble.
Oh, and for the icing on the cake, my computer got attacked with one of those 'your computer is infected so you better buy our protection!' malwares - Antivirus Live - one that disables Malwarebytes, AVG and opens multiple windows telling you exes are infected. It took FOREVER to find some way to get rid of it last night. Luckily we had another computer to look up what to do because it TAKES OVER your IE browser functions. I really hate Firefox but it looks like I'll need to use it for some things.
What's sleep? What's coughing without pain in the chest?
I found my large bottle of Pred so I'm going to nuke myself for a few days before slacking off to what my GP wants me to do. I need to get rid of this lung inflamation.
Woke up at 4am with burning lungs and coughing. The smell is like menthol gone bad. The boy was up since I could barely hear him gaming downstairs. So I suspect he's smoking in the wee hours of the morning when his mother is asleep so she doesn't catch him (and she won't smell it since she's a smoker, too) and since she really doesn't have any control over him, he'll get told to stop it and he'll continue to do it anyway.
Thursday was a clean air day and I suspect it was because the boy wasn't home until late. We got a little bit of the chemical smell last night but it stayed in the kitchen and living room and we blew it out the doors for about a half hour about 10pm and shut everything back up. At 12:30am Thursday/Friday it was still fresh-smelling.
We opened the doors for a little while to get the worse of it out of the front rooms and set up the hepa filter in the bedroom. It really isn't helping much, just cleaning the air some but not completely. It was blowing on my face and I was still smelling the chemical.
I have to always have something over my nose and mouth to keep the worse of it from getting to my lungs. In bed I had the covers on my face. Now I have on one of those protective work masks you get at the hardware store.
I sent another email to her at 7am saying what it smelled like and again suggested they get some Renuzit neutralizers. I haven't heard from her but there's a chance she's tired of hearing from me and ignoring me.
If my lungs hadn't been damaged by the flea bomb there's a chance this wouldn't be bothering me now. But my lungs are fucked again so any little funky smell hurts me.
The smoking neighbor and I coordinated so when she got the electrician she told them to do our apartment next since I had taken off work and waited all day. She and I talked for a while, then rat came home and we talked with her some more in her place, which smelled like musty old smoke and which made my lungs hurt after a while but it was not too bad. NO bug spray smell at all.
Electricians came in to our place and did their work just fine.
Chemical smell wasn't too bad last night, just in those few little areas. Naturally, I was stupidly optimistic.
This evening was BAD - nasty lung-burning chemical smell coming through the kitchen cabinet. I had to wear my face mask to go into the room to keep my lungs from burning and hurting. My eyes were still burning a bit. It finally crept into the rest of the house by 11pm so at 11:30pm we had to open the doors in 18f weather to air out the place enough so I could breathe again. We had to get it out of the bedroom at least so I'll be able to sleep.
I shot off an email to her at 1am, asking if perhaps they accidentally sprayed the toxic Febreeze by mistake. Yes, I'm being non-confrontational. I want to work with them.
I really don't want to move, but we're looking again...
I'm home today, waiting for electricians to come in and install new GFI light switches in the bathrooms and new smoke detectors that don't use batteries. I don't dare leave the place without supervision since we've had so many issues with flaky maintenance. I don't trust them anymore and since we've caught them lying they have not been friendly. I can well imagine finding something missing or destroyed and being told they had nothing to do with it - and us not having a leg to stand on.
The smoking neighbors below are infested with fleas from the dog that used to visit there OVER SIX MONTHS AGO, which was when the prior neighbors moved out. The fleas lurked in their eggs until new warm bodies arrived, then hatched.
Monday the apartment got flea bombed and we're back to zero with bad air in OUR place, this time being poisoned by bug poison. My lungs have been burning badly AGAIN and I went to the doctor AGAIN for drugs. I'm on Prednisone now and my doctor told me find a real estate friend who can help find us a place to MOVE to save my lungs. That's easy for him to say. We don't have a large network of people to tap into, unlike my folks with their Toastmasters and church groups.
Also, during the first poisoning (cigarettes), rat was first enthusiastic about moving then all of a sudden got darkly serious about the prices and how bad money is for us currently. It's frightening that I make more money and I make JACKSHIT. Yes, I'm thankful he even HAS a job and that I have one, too. He's going to consider a real estate agent now but we're going to be very particular about our requirements (location, price, no fixer-upper, etc.) and I suspect we won't find anything in our price range. You'd think they'd want to sell something that hasn't moved or at least adjust the payments lower so people could become home owners. Or maybe the sellers will be willing to rent to us for our price with an option to own later. Who knows?
Last night the chemical smell was pretty bad and the Renuzit stuff doesn't seem to work on it like it does with the cig smoke. It's been a delightful shock to find the Renuzit fights the majority of the smoke for us. However,
Only certain areas of the apartment gets hit with the worse of the stench. I can stay in the bedrooms and feel okay but when I move into the kitchen or living room I start feeling the lung burn again. However, TODAY the air is fine. I shudder to think how it will be tonight - if it will be bad again.
I'm back to not being able to eat much at all, which means I can't take my arthritis meds that require food. The Pred also needs food. My intestine is a mess again.
I'm still clearing out lots of our (actually my) possessions. I'm getting rid of stuff I haven't touched in years, knowing full well that in the past I HAVE let stuff sit for years, then have turned around and needed it years later. We have to SERIOUSLY downsize our lives which means a lot of my creative stuff has to go.
Doing a lot of praying again - we want to stay here with clean air, not move away.
The fucktards at my web hosting have fucked me up by deleting my website, even though I paid for everything a month before the deadline. I have a support ticket pending but it looks like I'll probably have to upload everything again, AND I lost all my email.
Thanks: --> to Lia, my sensei, who has inspired me to draw again. I
wouldn't be doing this without your support, Domo Arigato!
--> to Talon, for sending me her fabulous fics, inspiring me with her writing to draw my first
illustration for a story and actually liking what I drew.
--> to Dasia, for her words of encouragement when drawing her original chara.
--> to Joules, a wonderful epic fic writer, for liking my art enough to want to post them with Talon's
and her own stories.
--> to Lutra, the other half of the epic team, for being so supportive.
--> to Jacque' & Becca Raddittzu, we met on eBay as bidder and sellers and now we are face-to-face
friends. You showed us the real DBZ with your fansubs. It's all your fault the house is full of
doujinshi! *LOL*
:: welcome to bakayaro onna's mindless ramblings, rants & raves :: 
